At some time in most people’s lives they are told something that sticks with them. I have had a couple of these moments. The first was in high school when my physics teacher told us before exams “you are smarter than you think you are and you know more than you think you do.” This small statement stuck with me and became my mantra all the way through law school. I would tell myself this before every single exam and I have even used it when encouraging others. I pretty much remember nothing else from that class, but those words stuck.
More recently I had my second experience with words sticking with me (see below). This experience was not pleasant, but has driven me to re-evaluate and make some changes in my life. This blog is dedicated those experiences big and small that take a little gumption.
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A year ago today I walked away. I walked away from an office I worked in for almost 4 years and began my walk away from my life as I knew it.
I worked for a small law office in Southern California during my last year in college and through law school. I had been told countless times there would always be a home for me at the firm. I was familiar with the partners’ wives and children. I loved this firm and was planning on staying with them indefinitely.
When I reminded the partner I would be taking a leave of absence to study for the California Bar Exam, I was informed that if I was unable to work while I studied, they would have to hire someone else and there may not be a job at the firm for me when I was ready to return to work. The partner also landed some other heavy blows that day. He told me I had not put in enough hours during the time I worked for him even though I had positive discussions with him prior to every semester about the hours I would be able to commit due to my heavy course load and other commitments including but not limited to law review, being an academic fellow (teaching assistant), and being a student ambassador (recruiting). He told me that I had failed to make the transition from student to lawyer, even though I was still in fact a student for a at least a few more months. He told me that I did not have “gumption” even though I took work home, stayed late whenever possible, and volunteered to come in on the weekends when necessary. I was devastated … completely and utterly devastated.
SIDENOTE: For those of you who know me personally, I think you would whole-heartedly disagree with the partner’s statement that I lacked “gumption” without any further explaining. However, for those of you who don’t know me very well feel free to ask around. I have excelled at most challenges I have tackled because I am willing to commit whatever time and effort are necessary to accomplish the goal and more simply put … I refuse to fail.
I had reminded the partner of my plan to take leave about a month in advance of actually doing so, which unfortunately meant another month of going to work whether or not I liked it anymore. Work became a chore when it had never felt that way before. I dreaded those mornings when I went to the office instead of to school. I counted the hours, minutes, seconds until I could leave. For the first time ever I hated my job.
After speaking with a couple of people I trust both professionally and personally, I made the decision that I could not return to that firm, whether or not there was a position available for me. So on April 15, 2010 at 12:00 in the afternoon I walked into the partner’s office, handed him the finished project I was working on, and told him goodbye. He asked when I would be in the following week to which I replied I would not be because it was my last day. After almost 4 years of working for him said “Keep in Touch” as he turned back to his work. As I closed the door to the office and walked away I felt like I was closing the door on a huge part of my life. I felt weak for walking away but strong for doing what I needed to do for myself.
I did not think so at the time, but walking away from that situation took gumption!
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