'Twas the Night I Saved Santa
By: #coachkp
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
not a creature was stirring, not even an E&E drinking mouse.
The shakercups were placed on the mantle with care,
in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while Shaun T and Chalene danced in their heads,
With vegan chocolate shakeology instead of a nightcap
I had just settled down with a PD book in my lap.
When out on the roof there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a cardio master,
I checked my time, could have gotten there faster.
The moon on the water of the shimmering bay
Illuminated the yard as if it were day,
when, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.
With a little old driver, less lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than Tony Horton, his coursers they came,
and he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
"Now Burpee! Now Push-up!
Now, Planker and Squat!
On, Jumper! On, Rower!
On, Toner and Taut!
To the top of the pyramid!
To the top of the wall!
Now max out! Max out!
Max out yourselves all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild turbofire fly,
when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky
so up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
with the sleigh full of boxes, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
the lunging and squatting of each pair of hoofs.
As I drew in my head and was russian twisting around,
down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a few extra pounds.
He was dressed all in tight duds, from his head to his toe,
With his clothes nearly splitting and confidence low .
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
and he looked like a peddler without a six pack.
His eyes didn't twinkle! His dimples, were saddened!
He had been eating those cookies that were too sugar ladden!
His droll little mouth was drawn up in a frown,
and just looking at him you could tell he was down.
The stump of a candy cane he had eaten so fast,
Stuck out of his mouth as he beckoned a sugar crash.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
that shook when he moved, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, not his jolly old self,
and I frowned when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of my eye and a twist of my head
soon gave him to know he had nothing to dread.
I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work,
and filled all the blender, then turned it on with a jerk.
After pouring the nutrient dense shake into a cup
I handed it to him and told him "drink up!"
He drank up the shakeology and then sprang to his sleigh,
He whistled to his team and they all flew away
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,
"Healthy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
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