Failure is NOT an Option

Monday I woke up to another overcast sky after a weekend of rain.  I hate the rain … most of you know that.  So needless to say I was not in the best mood.  The day went downhill from there. 

I went to the gym for my Monday morning training appointment.  We weighed in as usual on Monday mornings, and much to my surprise I had not lost a single pound over the last 4 days.  This was disappointing considering my diet had been perfect and I was working out twice daily (morning and evening to boost my metabolism).  I tried to look on the bright side … at least I had not gained anything … but realistically, that did not help.

I felt better after working hard in my session and doing some cardio (endorphins!) but still not great.  I went home and stood under the shower for a long time, just letting the scalding water pour over my back.  I felt a lot better when I stepped out of the shower.  (I took a science class in college and the only thing that I remember from it is that a shower creates a negative electric field because of something to do with the water droplets, and we feel more positive when in a negative field.  I am not even sure if this is true, or if I misconstrued something along the way, but a long hot shower typically does make me feel better.)

Unfortunately the good feeling would not last long.  I have been in the long process of interviewing with Apple.  I have had 3 rounds of interviews (1 on the phone, and 2 in person).  They have been drawn out because of scheduling issues, not mine, for nearly 3 months.  Anyway, I was excited about this job, and optimistic following the final interview.  Yesterday I received an email from the recruiter that they thought I had a “good skill set” but that they had decided to fill the position internally.  It took them 3 months to decide this?!  I was pretty much devastated, crushed, destroyed.  I spent a good hour yelling and throwing various things around my room (the yelling was good, the throwing I do not recommend as you just have to pick it all up later).  Then next hour or so I spent crying. 

I keep thinking about all of the stuff I did in high school, college, law school.  I immersed myself in my work.  I always graduated at the top of my class with honors.  In high school I was ASB Vice President and editor-in-chief of the newspaper while I coached both basketball and volleyball, took AP classes, and maintained a high GPA.  In college I held more than half of the positions in my business fraternity including President, while minoring in both Leadership and Communications and majoring in Business with emphases in Finance and International Business.  I was part of the Gamma Beta Phi, the honors society, Lambda Pi Eta, the Communications Honors Society, and Beta Gamma Sigma, the Business Honors Society.  I joined Phi Alpha Delta, pre-law society when I decided I wanted to go to law school and was a founding member of Mortarboard at Chapman.  I wore the Presidential Scholars medal at graduation and graduated Magna Cum Laude.   

 College graduation with a good friend.  

The stoles, cords and medals represent all the things I was involved in in college.

In law school I graded onto law review and in my 3L year assumed the position of Senior Symposium Editor where I proceeded to put on a fantastic event that included a welcome dinner at the Nixon Library and speakers like former Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff, former head of the DEA Asa Hutchinson, former Orange County judge Hon. Jim Gray, and former congressman and current Orange County judge Hon. James Rogan, among others.  I was a teaching assistant for 2 years and was a student ambassador.  I graduated cum laude in the top 15% of my class at number 24, and I was the peer selected graduation speaker.  And almost the entire time I went to school I found the time to work and to volunteer in various ways.  

At the Symposium Welcome Dinner with Asa Hutchinson (middle) and another member of law review.

 At the Symposium Welcome Dinner with the Editor-in-Chief of the law review.

Since I have been out of school I have passed 2 bar exams – California, the hardest bar in the country, and Colorado, one of the bars that has the greatest reciprocity.  I have worked as a post-graduate research assistant, started studying for the real estate broker’s exam, and contemplated taking 2 additional bar exams.  And so I asked myself … what more could a firm ask for?!  What more could I possibly do?!

 Being sworn in to the California Bar by Judge James Rogan!

Yesterday I woke up to a new day, a new sunny day!  I had begun to think the sun had actually burnt out … I was glad to know I was wrong.  As I got dressed to go to the gym I thought about what I was going to do now.  I pulled out a t-shirt to wear.  It was one from my senior year of high school.  My AP English teacher (who I was fortunate enough to have twice) had created this concept called Cota University for her senior students.  She had a ceremony and “diplomas” and t-shirts made and everything.  The t-shirt had a statement on the back “where failure is not an option.”  I repeated this as I pulled it over my head. 

When it comes to my life, failure is NOT an option.  I just need to keep looking, keep trying, keep pushing forward … something great will come along soon enough.

Dealing with frustration and disappointment takes gumption!